Your soul

When I Die, I Want To Be Turned Into A Diamond

By December 1, 2015 0
Screenshot 2015-11-30 19.14.26

I know, I know — no one wants to talk about dying. It’s morbid and depressing and scary and really, really gross. But here’s the thing: it’s inevitable. And not talking about it isn’t going to change that.

Sorry, guys, but I’m going there.

I used to be like you: scared shitless of what was going to happen to me when I die (I’m not going to use any weird euphemisms here, like “when my time comes,” because I feel like that defeats the whole point), until recently, when I got up close and personal with a whole lot of dead bodies. Creepy, right? A few months ago, I was writing a story about the funeral industry, and one of the guys I was interviewing asked if I wanted to see the “prep room.” Not wanting to seem unprofessional (or like a baby), I said OK, thinking there was no way this guy was actually going to take me into a room full of dead people (I mean, I don’t exactly seem like the kind of girl who would ever want to be in a room full of dead people — I’m more the kind of girl who faints in stressful or scary situations)…. right?


I won’t get into all the gory details of what I saw down there (Trust me. It was fucking traumatizing.) but I will say that being so up close and personal with death gave me an entirely outlook on the whole annoying issue of mortality.

As in, it really got me thinking about it.

Around the world, there’s this “Death Positive” movement going on that’s meant to encourage people to do exactly what I’ve spent the last few months doing: coming to terms with the fact that eventually, they’re going to die. The idea is that the more you talk about and understand death, the more you start to consider it as a meaningful life experience instead of this big, scary unknown thing.

Sounds pretty simple, right?

I know it’s not exactly dinner party conversation, but considering the fact you are definitely, 100% going to die (is that rude? sorry if that was rude.), you may as well start thinking about how to do it with style.

As for me: I want to be cremated and turned into a diamond.

Yup, you heard me.

Apparently, after you die your ashes can be turned into all sorts of things: Synthetic ink for a tattoo. A teddy bear. A stained glass window. An hourglass. A vinyl record. A FIREWORK.

All of those are pretty fucking cool, but a diamond just seems the most me. (Firework is a really, really close 2nd though — cue the Katy Perry music).

I’m not a religious person, like, at all, so for me dying has absolutely nothing to do with heaven or an afterlife or reincarnation or anything like that. I have, however, decided I am a believer in the whole “ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” thing. I like the idea of returning to the world in a natural way, or at the very least, sticking around as a (10-Carat, D-Clarity) natural piece of rock. I don’t want my body pumped up with formaldehyde like the dozens of them that I saw in the prep room, or to ever be dead and on display with caked-on stage makeup that makes me look unrecognizable.

After all, I look like shit with blush and red lipstick on. Plus, I now know way, way too much about what goes into the “prep” process. Hard Pass. On all of it.

So, consider this my last will and testament: Give my laptop to my roommate, so she can clear my history; all of my unpublished writings to Candace, so she can post them on Degree180 and make me Van-Gogh style, posthumously famous; and cremate me and turn me into a big ol’ honkin diamond — TBD on who will get to wear me, but I’ll definitely be expensive.