Your Heart

What The Hell Is Love?

By December 11, 2015 0
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Short answer: I don’t know.

Just yesterday, my friends and I were venting about our problems and the conversation inevitably turned to boys (shocking, I know).

One of my friends is in a committed relationship, but the rest of us barely know what a boy is, let alone how to interact with one.

When we ran out of things to gossip about, the conversation took a philosophical turn: we began to question whether or not love even exists, and how to figure out if we’re anywhere close to finding it.

Cue us all being dumbfounded again, because boys are confusing.

But love does exist, I just know it does. Have I ever felt it? No. Have I ever felt that I was remotely within it’s bounds? Yes, with Harry Styles; but in actual non-celeb reality, no. But I do know it exists.

If it didn’t, none of us would ever be irrationally giddy when a boy did something cute and romantic comedies would cease to exist, and I love rom-coms, and so…I just know that that love is real.

But what is it? What IS love?

When I couldn’t figure out an answer to that question, I went on an emotional journey (AKA I walked down the hall of my dorm) and asked people what they thought love was. Here are their answers.

“Love is being home wherever you are as long as you’re with him.” I’ve heard that before. 

“Being best friends. Just being happy at the thought of someone.” We’re warming up.

“Love is when you put someone else’s happiness before your own. And cheese fries.” Brilliant. 

“Love is giving all your feelings unconditionally.”

I then turned to my local Starbucks barista (who also happens to be my sister) and this is what she told me.

“Love is all you need.” Perfect.

Still wondering, I turned to the Internet and approached the all-resourceful Wikipedia, and it states:

Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection (“I love my mother”) to pleasure (“I loved that meal”). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—”the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”. It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self or animals.”

Well said. 

Then a physicist on the Internet told me that “love is chemistry” and that dopamine releases when we find true love.

Followed by a nun on the Internet who mysteriously stated that “Love is free yet binds us.” She also said that though love may not hurt us, it can cost a lot (I’m guessing emotionally and mentally). And that it is “life’s greatest blessing.”

You want to know what I think?

Love for me, is a bitch.

But then again love is also a dream. A dream that is pretty unattainable. A dream that we hope and wish for so adamantly we literally may drive ourselves crazy to achieve it. A dream we work toward. Work that we have to truly be invested in and fight daily for until one day, we wake up and it’s there.

Do you see what I mean by confusing? How can love be a bitch and a dream? Since I’ve never been in love with an actual person, the closest thing I have is the time I was in love….with a school.

I thought NYU was my dream school. I spent a majority of my senior year of high school doing my homework under an NYU poster and hoping that one day, I wouldn’t just be staring at a poster of Washington Square Park — I would be spending my life there. But then in January, I got an email saying I was wait listed.

Ouch.

The thing that I thought I loved didn’t love me back. And that’s what hurt the most. I didn’t know what else I could do to make it fall in love with me. But it didn’t and it never will. And that’s why I’m guessing the nun on the Internet said love costs a lot. Love hurts. No matter how much work is put into it, sometimes it’s just not meant to be. Sometimes someone (or in my case, something) won’t see the worth in your smile, your laugh, your humor, your personality, your likes, your dislikes, or maybe even your ACT score and GPA (*senior year me internally cries a little*).

But guess what? Something better ALWAYS comes along.

I ended up somewhere pretty great. Somewhere that saw my worth. Somewhere where I was meant to be. And though every day hasn’t been the greatest, it is SO worth it.

But, nevertheless love is still a bitch.

Love doesn’t fear your feelings. Love doesn’t care about what you want. Love hits you when you least expect it, and sometimes when you least want it. And sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it makes you cry. Sometimes it doesn’t let you see your self worth. And most of the time it really doesn’t feel like it truly exists.

But it really does, I think.

I’m obsessed with romantic comedies because I believe love is one of the only feelings that can change our world. It can drive people crazy in the best way possible. It can bring together two people by a power stronger than anything else. I love love because even though it sucks, people still fight for it because it is worth it.

So, yes: love is a bitch. But it’s also chemistry, it’s cheese fries, it’s painful, it’s happy, it’s sad, it’s intense, it’s scary, it’s amazing, it’s blinding, it’s happiness, it’s sadness, it’s terrible, it can bring together people and quite honestly — it sucks. But it is the only feeling that can bear every single emotion on the entire planet.

Love exists, and it’s our responsibility to bring it into the world.

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