Your Heart

“We’re Hooking Up, But It’s Just Casual.” Bullshit.

By December 24, 2015 0

The casual hookup. It’s a tale as old as time and it goes a little something like this:

Two people meet, find each other attractive and begin a relationship-type thing. They’re “just hooking up,” and it’s just for fun! But fun quickly develops into a lot of time spent together, and then they kind of start to enjoy one another and now, OMG SHOCKER: feelings. Do I really have to spell this one out? A hookup under the pretext of  “casual” is absolute shit, and if you don’t believe so, then please read on as I drop a little insight into your life.

First, let’s discuss the physical part. That’s called SEX, but for the sake of user-friendliness let’s use the word “intimacy”. A basic google search defines this as “closeness, familiarity and an intimate act.” The kind of comfort and familiarity that’s created between two intimate individuals is definitively not the same kind that is shared between two people that are existing within a platonic relationship. That’s because intimacy gives our bodies a sense of “home.” It feels good to us (hopefully, or else… why?). That “feel good” portion is an element of brain chemistry.

Simply put, it’s science.

So tell me how (no,  seriously if you can explain this I want you to drop me a line in the comments section)  two people can even fathom the use of the term  “casual” when they have already arrived at a level of feeling so passionate, that it directs them to the act of hooking up in the first place? That is to state the obvious which is that if you find someone to be so physically appealing that you just have to be intimate with them, you are already edging upon the symptom of giving a fuck, known less colloquially as, CARING.

And for those of you that are “visual learners,” this also happens to be the conclusion of every romantic comedy, ever; someone ALWAYS ends up caring. Because that’s the thing about hookups– no, it’s actually the thing about every type of  relationships, friendships included; we spend time with other people because we care to. Welcome to the state of our humanity.

The sucky part about skirting around the word “casual” is that if someone develops feelings, they simply cannot honor them.Because bringing up vulnerability in a casual hookup isn’t yet a thing. This leaves one party of the relationship feeling stupid and invalidated, all within the confines of a fling that was meant to be just fun. Weird…none of this sounds even remotely close to my interpretation of the word “fun.”

So what we can bank on when these aforementioned casual flings occur is one of two scenarios: they will either turn into real relationships or simultaneously combust into a million little pieces of emotion and anger and hatred and never talking after said hookup, ever again.

The not-so-subtle point I am arriving at here is that when you’re involved with someone in an intimate– okay, SEX, when you decide to have SEX– feelings will occur. Because at the end of the day– at the end of every single day, all any of us really want is for someone else to care. That’s not only normal, it’s a wonderfully beautiful part of the human experience so do not hide your feelings ever.

Suppressing our hearts should never be a thing.