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WedMd: The Early Signs And Symptoms of “Adulting”

By October 26, 2015 0
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Adulting: (adj.) the act of being an adult. (See:adult)

I am sharing my story in the hopes that my experience will keep the rest of you vigilant. We’ve all heard the warnings, we’ve all read the news, but we never think it can happen to us.

But yes, I woke up one day a few years ago and BAM–I was adulting.

It is my honest hope that should this happen to you, it not occur as suddenly as it did for me, as no person should be shocked into this state. So here are the early signs and symptoms that you may be well on your way to ADULTING.

  1. You Start To Like Your Family: Okay “like” is a strong word, but what I mean is that you genuinely are beginning to see your family in a different light. Your siblings? Not as terribly awful and unnecessary as they once were. Your parents–they do maybe know a thing or two about a thing or two, and spending time with your grandparents no longer corroborates with an arduous holiday task, it has become an intended and enjoyable experience. They represent the family archive–a delicate fusion of our ancestral pasts and futures.
  2. Not wearing a coat during the winter to go out is like, the furthest thing from a possibility: There was a time when there would be snow on the ground and I would put on a skirt and sprint from the car to the club. That time has opportunely come to an end. I used to go to clubs and bars practically naked. My girls and I  would sacrifice warmth for exposure, and the attention that it would bring from guys. Today, the idea of being cold ever, or not dressing appropriately for both the weather and my level of self-respect makes me want to die. Seriously, at this stage in my life, I’d welcome death more openly and could be way more easily convinced to roll up somewhere in a Snuggie. In fact, there better be a damned good reason if I have to wear anything more formal than a pair of black jeans, a t-shirt, and heels, and if for some reason that attire doesn’t meet some grimey bouncer’s standards, then I can rest assured that the crowd inside won’t meet mine.
  3. Inviting me back to your place is a great idea, if there will be a meeting agenda circulated: Here’s the thing: I now enjoy a fine cocktail of business and brains. An amateur night built upon a cute smile and gym body, just doesn’t cut it for me anymore and retrospectively, I’m not so sure how it ever did. Now, when a guy asks me what I’m drinking at the bar, he can bet it’s top shelf, and it’s not because I’m the storied “paper-chaser”, it’s because the extra two dollars is definitively worth my spleen come the morning time, so yes, I’ll be having the Chopin on the rocks with a squeeze of lime, no juice (because sugar causes dehydration, that’s why). STANDARDS: one of the most persistent symptoms of adulting.
  4. You are beginning to worry about REAL things: I remember a time when not receiving a text back from a boy I liked would cause me sufficient thought and anxiety. Now I find myself caring deeply about our environment and the million and one ways in which we should all be decreasing our footprint upon this planet. I worry about off-shore drilling, I carry reusable bags to the grocery store, and I am consistently preaching to friends and family about “Farmaggedon” which is a term used to describe the future implications of non-organic eating and farming. I bleed for the arts. I fear culture is slipping away from our finger tips, and I dream feverishly of a return to romance and poetry,
  5. You secretly love your new lifestyle: This is a late stage symptom and one that is the surest sign of adulting there ever was. I woke up this morning and my house was clean, laundry–done, to-do list tackled before midday.  There is nothing– and I mean NOTHING, that brings me sweeter satisfaction than the daily realization that my priorities are in check. I am perpetually, organized, and have been known to eagerly jump into someone else’s to-do list on occasion.

Our states of consciousness are ever-shifting. We go from playground antics to boy-crushing. From counting numbers, to blessings, and while the exact moment in time–the precise millisecond in which we move from one realm of thinking into the next is intangible, the realization that we are forever changed is ostensible: impossible to ignore.

And I have to say, this shit feels pretty damn good. Fortunately or not, there’s no going back for this former kid.

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