Your Body

We Need To Talk About the Way We Talk About Sexual Misconduct.

By September 14, 2015 1

Last night, less than 5 minutes into a first date, the guy I was having “drinks” with (I don’t even know if I can call it that, because I never even got the chance to order a beer) whipped out his cell phone and showed me a HORRIFICALLY vulgar picture of himself.

I was shocked and really upset, and immediately got up and left the bar.

My reaction to the whole thing was twofold: on the one hand, it was kind of funny how does that happen to someone outside of an Amy Schumer movie??? But on the other hand, it was incredibly offensive. For the next hour I vacillated somewhere between laughter and tears, trying to make sense of what the hell had happened.

The entire thing was awful, but the worst part of it all was what went on afterward. Nearly every person I told’s immediate response was “Well, what did you do to make him think you wanted that?”


To me, this was even more offensive than the picture itself. I won’t call myself a “victim” here, but I will say that, on a  very small scale, the reaction I experienced illustrates the  systematic problem with blaming the recipient of sexual misconduct for what happened to them.

I’m not mad at anyone who asked me what I did to provoke the photo, but I am angry that this is the majority of people’s immediate reaction when they hear a story like my own. We need to reevaluate the way we talk about, and address, these issues. #demandit



  • edtastic

    Kind of hard to claim sexual harassment on a date. This isn’t even unwanted sexual contact, seriously you have no claim to victimhood, just your personal views on polite sexuality coming into conflict with his. To put it another way, another lady might whip out her own pics. No misconduct here, none at all.