Your Mind

Wait — Who Am I Supposed To Be Mad At Again?

By February 10, 2016 0

Donald Trump won the New Hampshire Republican Primary last night.

I repeat: Donald Trump, a man who  I once wrote was “racist, bigoted, downright offensive and BAT SHIT insane”  won the New Hampshire Republican Primary Last night. 

What the fuck, New Hampshire?

I fell asleep facedown in my laptop last night in the middle of refreshing the results, and woke up and was CONVINCED it was a dream, because how could that be possible? How could New Hampshire do this to me?

New Hampshire and I had some good memories — like that time I climbed Mt. Washington and went to the Ben and Jerry’s Factory (both of those actually may have been in Vermont, but whatever).

But you know what, “Granite State”? You’re dead to me.

You know who else I’m mad at? The media. I have no idea why, but they’re an easy non-specific target on which I can place the blame for Trump’s win, Hillary’s loss and those disgusting period-underwear ads I have to look at every day on my morning commute. (Seriously though — do they just ABSORB the period blood? Does no one else think that’s gross? And what’s with the egg yolk in the advertisements? It’s all really confusing and I DO NOT LIKE IT).

I thinkkkkk I’m mad at Beyoncé too, but I’m not really sure. It seems like a lot of other white people are pretty displeased with her, so maybe I should hop on that bandwagon, just in case. I personally thought that video and performance were fucking important (separate from the fact that Blue Ivy is a BOSS and “Best revenge is their paper” is the most powerful line I have ever heard in a song EVER), but I do strongly disagree about the whole Red Lobster thing. I think that place is disgusting, and would be a terrible place to go on a date — especially with someone who just “fucked me so good.” I would probably want to go home after dinner and do it again, but who wants to bone after 4-courses of seafood and unlimited cheddar biscuits?

So yeah, Beyoncé. Fuck you. I’m taking my date to the Olive Garden.

And People magazine, you guys are also on my shit list. Ryan Reynolds is absolutely NOT the sexiest dad in the world. He is 3rd AT BEST, behind David Beckham and Ryan Gosling. Of everything else going on in this crazy world, your announcement this morning is by far the most fucked up.

I’m also mad at the cops, but not all of them, just the racist ones (see what I did there?). Actually, I’m mad at race in general, because it just seems to make everything more complicated.

And that douchebag Martin Shkreli for giving bro’s everywhere a bad name (@mycollegefriends — I’ve got you guys).

And those assholes from ISIS who can’t take a hint and leave us all alone (seriously, you guys: #youcantsitwithus).

And mosquitoes! You suck too! You were bad enough when you gave me itchy, annoying bites on my romantic vacation with my boyfriend, but now you’re giving birth defects to babies? Not cool you guys, not cool.

And this unappologetically white blogger, because I disagree strongly with him and have very major, very real white guilt of my own.

And Sarah Koenig, because this season of Serial absolutely sucks and I still have no idea if Adnan is guilty or not and it keeps me awake at night.

And Ben from the bachelor, partly because I think the show is sexist, disgusting and indicative of everything that is wrong with 21st Century America, and partly because it is ALL my group-chat wants to talk about on Mondays.

And Puma shoes, because if Kanye is mad at them, I’m mad at them too.

And Yahoo, because their stock’s in the toilet and I’ve lost all my Bat Mitzvah money. Thanks for nothing, Marissa Meyer

And while we’re at it, I’m also still not over the fact that my parents forgot my birthday last year, so we can add them to the list too.

… Are you ready for me to stop bitching and get to the point? 

Because I feel the same way, about the ENTIRE internet.

We all have countless platforms to complain about everything and anything and to create as many stupid hashtags as our angry little hearts desire (#boycottbeyonce? seriously?). There are constantly a zillion people out there chirping about what they’re pissed off about all the time, to the point that the root of the problem simply gets lost in the noise. In the age of outrage, it’s trendy to complain for a cause.

But do we really even know who, or what, we’re angry about anymore?

Mad about racism in the US?

Blame the cops!

Mad about the fact that we’re blaming the cops?

Blame Beyoncé!

Mad that Beyoncé is getting shit on?

Blame the ignorant white people!

Mad that the ignorant white people are getting the blame?

Blame Donald Trump.

Mad that everyone is being so hard on Donald Trump?

Blame the media!

….. As you can see, we’ve come full circle.

Don’t get me wrong — the world is a fucked up place and we all sure as HELL have a lot of things to be mad about. Trust me, I was completely serious about all of the things I listed above (especially the part about The Bachelor) and could have kept going had I not thought people would start sending me hate mail about how boring and repetitive my writing has gotten.

But here’s my point: We need to educate ourselves about what exactly it is we’re mad at, and figure out why. Because when we blame people for systematic problems (or, in my case, blaming a system — New Hampshire — for a PEOPLE problem) nothing is ever going to get solved. When we point fingers and post useless Facebook statuses about causes we know nothing about, we lose sight of what the real problems really are. We need to figure out what the issues in this country really are (for example, the real problem isn’t Beyoncé, it’s racism) and THEN try to figure our shit out.

And also, we need to stop voting for Donald Trump.