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The 10 “Beef Commandments”: Rules To Follow While In A BFF Battle

By October 20, 2015 0

Let’s be real, we all either currently or in the past have been extremely disappointed in a friend. Whether it’s betrayal or a disagreement it’s an undisputed fact that friends fight and it can get REALLY fucking ugly. Now at 24 years old, my friends and I never have a disagreement that we cannot discuss like normal functioning adults. However, when I was 18….let’s just say I have a lot of moments I look back at and cringe. I wish someone shared their wisdom and taught these 10 Commandments to abide by when “beefing” with your BFF. Grab a pencil pupils.

1. Never disclose their personal information. I’ve seen girls who have screamed, “YOU HAD MULTIPLE ABORTIONS!”…..No people. No. This will always backfire. It creates a vicious cycle of you both taking turns exposing one another. Your intention is to humiliate them, but it’s only a negative reflection on your character. It is evident that you lack self-respect. Respect the friendship, even if you can no longer respect the person. If you find that someone has angrily exposed you, please remember “two wrongs do not make a right.” Throw some light at them and go forward.

2. It is okay to have someone you can vent to about the situation, but do not allow your emotions to influence their opinion of that person. My best friend in high school wronged me and I essentially built an Army of Skanks* to take her down. That was nothing but textbook bullying. It was not my place to allow others to disrespect her because she hurt me. Keep your pitchforks in your shed people.

3. Do not run to all of your social media accounts to remove the presence of that person. It’s weird. All you are doing is allowing others to inquire about why you changed your cover photo and moved your BFF off your top eight (sorry I was around when Myspace was a thing). This validates nothing, people. Just a tip to all you cry babies, just mute them on your timelines and make the pictures you guys have together private if seeing their face is that unbearable.

4. No subliminal messages. Actually, subliminal messages are sometimes hilarious and fun to read, but seriously. C’mon. It is not a Scooby Doo Mystery who your post is about. As a close friend of mine says, “that post had a tree full of fucking shade!” Don’t use social media as a place to shame someone. Sometimes we need to vent and are inspired by situations to post epic rants. However, you’re just circulating more drama. Do yourself a favor and tell your diary, you can name drop and everything in there.

5. Do your best to keep the situation private. When Butt Buddies break up everyone notices. However, you are not Demi Lovato, and we will not “ask Taylor” where Selena is. When someone asks why you are not speaking, do your best to keep it private. I usually respond with some of the following:

  • “When you love your friend, sometimes you tend to disagree. It happens but you have to take space and love from a distance.”
  • “At this time we have no comment, we are asking the media to please respect the privacy of those involved.”

In all seriousness like I said before, RESPECT THE FRIENDSHIP. Telling everyone just adds fuel to the fire.

6. Never should this lead to an actual physical altercation. 87% of all cat fights in North America are between former friends**. This is pathetic. Remember, this person most likely opened their home to you. Have some decency.

7. Never bring family into it. Watch an episode of “Mob Wives;” they will break it down for you. Listen to Drita, she knows best.

8. Whenever you need to communicate with this person please do so directly and if possible, in person. Relaying messages makes information lost in translation. That is where all “he said she said” bullshit comes from. Get it straight from the horse’s mouth. Remember: while texting is sometimes a good way to have exchanges recorded, words can often be misconstrued. Leave nothing up to interpretation.

9. Accept blame in the situation. This is key. Make a list and check it twice. Objectively evaluate how you treated that person and how you may have caused the circumstances. It is imperative. Do not focus only on how that person may have hurt you, but also in your contribution to the fall out. Giving yourself a different perspective on conflict is a great tool for all relationships.

10. Try your hardest to find forgiveness in your heart. Do it for yourself. It is healing. Do not carry the burden of anger and hatred. It does nothing but drown you. Breathe. Let it go. I always try to search in my heart and remember that we are all flawed beings. Do not give in to hate, that shit is the devil. Try to feel nothing but immense love. This is not so easy, but forgiving is really the only way to living.

So grasshopper, the next time you’re “done” with someone please do your best to follow these 10 Commandments. In all seriousness, we need to minimize harm and hurt, so try on a little emotional intelligence.

Repeat after me: EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING IS ONLY FOR NOW. Good job listening. You can now go to recess. Class will resume when the bell rings.


Works Cited

*I did not assemble an actual “Army of Skanks;” it is just a “Mean Girls” reference. If you didn’t catch that, we can’t be friends anymore.

**This statistic was generated by the Brittany Lab located at the DEGREE180 headquarters. Any members seeking to replicate this source must give proper credit to the author as “Shit Brittany made up.”