Your Heart

The “Talking” Stage Of Dating? Yeah, This Needs To End.

By October 19, 2015 1

“She and I talk.”

In today’s culture of dating, it is not uncommon to hear the phrase “we’re talking” as a means to describe a developing relationship.

But wtf does this mean exactly? I talk to people everyday, but I’m not “talking” to them?


Young adults (myself included) have created this term which frees us from the traditional labels and commitments associated within relationships. Once upon a time, “dating” was used to to describe the act of taking interest in another person, but now we avoid this word as if it begets some sort of disease. Why is that? Are we too embarrassed to admit that we are interested in a person? Or are we just too lazy to commit to anything or anyone? “Talking” is such a vague term, and its tends to have a different meaning for everyone. Dating and relationships in this day and age are confusing as is; adding the term “talking” to the equation yields a problem that not even the sharpest mathematicians can solve.

The boundaries of what you can and cannot do in this stage is beyond confusing. Can you talk to other people? Can the person you’re talking to talk to other people? Are you allowed to be mad if you find out the person you’re talking to is talking to other people? Are you allowed to be curious about what he or she is doing when you’re not around? No one wants to ask for such clear boundaries out of fear of violating the elusive “talking” terms.

This stage makes relationships so much more complicated and unfortunately, our generation has made this stage the prime foundation for dating. We put our emotional sanity on the line before we even consider labeling an official relationship. WHY? We essentially go through the struggle of being in a relationship, without the real title. FOR WHAT?

The “talking stage” is dating purgatory.  It is the space between a committed relationship and solitude.  It is being “together,” but not officially– that is to say that you have someone, but you can state no real claim to your emotions or expectations.

The absolute worst part about the “talking stage” is the possibility of never moving beyond it.  You’re left without legitimate closure.  All of the feelings and the attachments that develop never actualize. You are left without the right to even refer to the other person as an “ex.” You are not allowed to feel sad, yet you do, and then you feel sad about feeling sad because, well, you never really had the right to feel anything.

My proposal then, is that we put an immediate end to this.  If you like someone and they like you, slap a label on it! Labels exist not to restrict, but to clearly identify healthy boundaries.  A clearly defined relationship will better preserve the sanity of both parties. If that sounds like too much to you then frankly, you may not be mature enough to be dating at all.  Why not take yourself out of the game altogether? You’ll be sparing the legions of people who are ready for a commitment from both confusion and pain.


  • Caesar Vespasian

    Talk to me