Your Mind

Suicide and the Never-Ending Repetition of “I Had No Idea”

By January 8, 2016 1
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“I HAD NO IDEA.”

Almost every time someone commits suicide, we hear these words.

And I simply don’t accept it.

How can someone not detect even the smallest hint that the person they love is dying?

This is your child. You brought them into this world and you cannot see that they are leaving?

This is your soulmate and you cannot feel your souls parting?

This is your sibling. You lived your life alongside them and you cannot see that they don’t want to live anymore?

This is your best friend. You’ve been there for them all this time and you haven’t seen their pain?

Bullshit.

If you knew your loved one was depressed, you knew they were not well. And if you knew they were not well, you certainly had an idea.

And why would somebody claim to have had no idea someone was going to kill oneself? Because so many people are ashamed to admit they didn’t do anything to help them.

Because so many people are embarrassed to admit their relation to someone who was sick in the head.

Because so many damn people still don’t even believe in mental illness, like it’s some kind of made up joke.

A person doesn’t have to show you their detailed suicide plan for you to get that they might go through with it. Once you hear the words, “I’m depressed,” you better sound the alarms and get a clue because depression isn’t something to ignore.

Depression is deadly. It’s not just sadness. It’s absolute and utter despair. It’s confusion. It’s chaos.

It’s completely unpredictable.

Maybe he was happy the last time you saw him. Maybe you thought she was joking when she claimed to hate her life. Maybe you thought those cuts on his arm were for attention. Maybe.

But what if he wasn’t really happy? What if she wasn’t joking? What if those cuts were just to feel something, anything at all?

What if I told you none of it even matters? Because what might be one day could not be the next. Depression is ever-changing. It’s gone for a day, for a moment, and then, suddenly, without any warning, it slips back into one’s life as if it had never gone away.

Depression is drowning in one’s tears then going numb in a moment. Falling into the Earth, then sudden suspension. Dreadfully heavy, then painfully light.

Your loved one could be the happiest person in the world today and dead tomorrow.

Depression is real. Depression is common. Depression is not insanity. Depression is serious.

And depression is, often times, obvious. If you just listen. If you just watch.

And yet,

“I had no idea.”

Stop with this never-ending, repetitive bullshit. If I can barely know someone for two minutes before they comment on my signature frowny face, then you can damn well tell when someone close to you is suicidal.