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Someone PLEASE Help Republicans Get Out Of The 1950’s

By December 30, 2015 2

All this talk about defunding Planned Parenthood and not one person seems to be talking about the real issue at hand here: the time warp that makes it so Republicans are physically unable to leave the 1950s. There isn’t much research on this time warp but this has to be the only explanation for why it’s 2015 and LEADERS OF THE FREE WORLD still want to chain up a woman’s uterus like its a rabid raccoon.

Republicans, spend a little less time yelling your opinions about female reproduction into the empty wasteland that are other Republicans’ brains and spend a little more time educating yourselves.

You guys want to defund Planned Parenthood because you do not want people’s tax money paying for abortions if those people don’t believe in abortions? Fair.

Planned Parenthood gets about $450 million annually from federal funds, $390 million of which comes from Medicaid and Planned Parenthood is forbidden by law to use any of the money it receives to perform abortions.

That means no tax payer’s money and no money from the government are going into abortions. Educate yourselves, Republicans.

So what does this money go towards then?

Nothing that important really, just the availability of contraceptives which gave women the rights to their own bodies back in the 1960s, testing and treatment for sexually transmitted diseases for both men and women, menopause treatments, vasectomies, breast cancer screenings, cervical cancer screenings and testicular cancer screenings.

Okay, quick middle school anatomy refresher for those men who are still looking to defund Planned Parenthood: women have breasts and a cervix, while men on the other hand, have testicles. This means that Planned Parenthood allows men to walk into any of their offices and get screened for testicular cancer, AS WELL as colon cancer, free of charge. They also have the ability to talk to a healthcare professional about a vasectomy and then subsequently have one at the same place.

So that means…Republicans not only do you hate uteruses but you also hate testicles???? Is there no pleasing you? Now not only do you want to take away the rights of women but you also want to take the rights of men. What’s going on in that office?! Are all of you asleep while a monkey just stamps random bills?

Abortion is a big debate but when you have people like Gov. Mike Huckabee who tweeted “#PlannedParenthood performs 327,000 abortions per year. Sorry, @CecileRichards this is NOT healthcare” they’re making it harder for people to understand the facts (Cecile Richards is the current CEO of Planned Parenthood).

First off, you’re right Gov. Huckabee, they do perform around 327,000 abortions per year…next to the 4,009,549 contraceptive services they perform, 3,955,926 sexually transmitted disease services, 1,830,811 cancer-related services, 1,178,369 pregnancy/prenatal/midlife services and 76,977 other services. That’s about a total of 11,378,632 services Planned Parenthood provides. That’s a whole lot of healthcare Gov. Huckabee!

Also, another batch of quick middle school studies, this time math: Gov. Huckabee, 327,000 abortions? That’s roughly 2.8 percent of all the services that Planned Parenthood provides. 2.8 percent? You guys are wasting everyone’s time about 2.8 percent of something?

On another note, Gov. Huckabee, you think abortions aren’t healthcare? Sure, in your universe I suppose. You know what isn’t healthcare? Women having no place to go when dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, performing an at-home abortion and subsequently dying from it. 47,000 women die each year from unsafe abortions. I’d say saving those 47,000 lives by giving them the ability to have safe and affordable abortions is healthcare.

Saving lives = healthcare.

Margaret Sanger was thrown in jail in the 1920s for starting Planned Parenthood. That was 95 years ago and people still want get rid of Planned Parenthood. Like I said, the Republicans are stuck in a time warp. Someone please go help them.

If you don’t want an abortion, no one is forcing you to get one. Planned Parenthood isn’t grabbing pregnant women off the street and kicking them behind the building. They’re simply there for support; they have healthcare professionals that will help you with whatever you choose. It’s a support system that has affordable services for lower-class women; without it they would have no where to turn, for not only pregnancies, but cancer treatment as well.

If you don’t want to take it from me, that’s understandable, but then at least listen to one of the most intelligent men out there right now: Bill Nye. The science guy wants to hit you with some hard facts and here it is, quoted straight from him: “When it comes to women’s rights with respect to their reproduction, I think you should leave it to women.”