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Politics: Not Even Dumbledore Can Cure Ben Carson’s Crazy

By November 4, 2015 0
DETROIT, MI -Republican Dr. Ben Carson, a retired pediatric neurosurgeon,  officially announces his candidacy for President of the United States at the Music Hall Center for the Performing Arts May 4, 2015 in Detroit, Michigan. Carson was scheduled to travel today to Iowa, but changed his plans when his mother became critically ill. He now will be traveling to Dallas instead to be with his mother Sonya. (Photo by Bill Pugliano/Getty Images)
DETROIT, MI -Republican Dr. Ben Carson, a retired pediatric neurosurgeon, officially announces his candidacy for President of the United States at the Music Hall Center for the Performing Arts May 4, 2015 in Detroit, Michigan. Carson was scheduled to travel today to Iowa, but changed his plans when his mother became critically ill. He now will be traveling to Dallas instead to be with his mother Sonya. (Photo by Bill Pugliano/Getty Images)

Quick moment of silence for all the patients presidential hopeful Ben Carson has operated on that are now realizing a man whom is starting to closely resemble a crazy homeless man with a sign that reads  “sin is upon us” was once allowed to operate on them.

Ben Carson gave an interview with Meet the Press over the weekend giving the U.S. more Carson quotes that are only cementing the fact that he may actually be the first SNL character to ever get this far in a presidential race.

This week’s installment of Carson Crazy began when he told Meet the Press that he would love to see Roe v. Wade overturned, making abortions illegal throughout the nation, including in cases of rape and incest. Then he finished strong saying that there might be possibility to discuss an abortion in the case that the mother’s life is in danger but he rounded it out with stating that “that is an extraordinarily rare situation.”

Somebody gave this man a license to operate inside people’s brains?

Ben Carson, let’s start this off real quick regarding your thought to overturn a Supreme Court decision that happened in 1973. First off, no single entity (that includes a President) can overturn a Supreme Court ruling. The House of Representatives can’t do it, the Senate can’t do it, state governors can’t do it, Dumbledore can’t do it… no single entity can do it.

A Supreme Court ruling can be overturned only by A. Reversing a decision on an earlier case by making a contradictory decision on a current case. Or B. Congress and the States can overturn a decision by amending the Constitution.

Though it has been done in the past these are no easy feats, which brings me to my main point: how much time, if elected president, are you going to spend pushing a new court case upon the Supreme Court to get a new decision from a 45-year-old ruling contradicted? Or even worse lobbying Congress and the States to amend the constitution?

Amending the constitution isn’t easy. You can’t amend a constitution like I amend an essay for school. You can’t take the constitution to the writing lab and tell them to take out the parts that you don’t like; it’s not easy.

So what I’m getting out of this is that you are going to spend an incredible amount of effort, money and most of all TIME on one court case.

Do you hear that Carson? It’s the sound of the American population yelling at you to focus all your effort, money and time on things that matter a little more such as the wars were in, the economy, human rights, why Connecticut can’t buy liquor after 6 PM on Sundays… you know, all the important things.

Next topic on Carson Crazy: the threat to the life of a mother due to a child, which to reiterate, he said is extraordinarily rare. Carson, as a neurosurgeon you’re good with science right? You trust science I presume, so here’s a fact coming straight from a June 8, 2015 article in Scientific American: 

“The rate of maternal mortality in the U.S. has more than doubled in the past few decades. Whereas 7.2 women died per 100,000 births in 1987, that number swelled to 17.8 deaths per 100,000 live births in 2009 and 2011.”

Carson, you graduated from Yale in 1973 (coincidentally the same year Roe v. Wade passed… sorry for the disappointing graduation gift there Benny), therefore it’s been 45 years that you’ve been immersed in the science field, these statistics shouldn’t be surprising to you.

Then again, maybe these statistics aren’t surprising to you. Maybe you just don’t think roughly 18 lives are worth saving for every 100,000 live births. According to the CDC there were almost 4,000,000 births in the US in 2013, which means statistically around 720 women died in 2013 due to child birth.

I guess 720 women dying each year isn’t impressive enough of a number for you like, say, if 100,000 women were dying each year. Oh wait that’s just the number of people who get shot by a gun each year, yet you are so pro-gun you believe the Holocaust wouldn’t have happened if the Jewish population had been armed. (#CarsonPastCrazyStraightToCoocoo.)

Every life is worth saving but you said there’s “room to discuss abortions” in the “extraordinarily rare case that the woman’s life is in danger.”

Room to discuss sounds a lot like when someone goes to a town hall meeting saying that the town should provide free hot dogs every day and the town councilman are too nice to say no so they just say, “there’s room to discuss this” just to make the person quiet and then they shred that suggestion faster than Takeru Kobayashi eats a hotdog at Nathan’s National Hotdog Eating Contest.

Women’s lives matter and their right to be able to have safe abortions was a landmark Supreme Court case. Good luck trying to overturn it, quite frankly.

Maybe we would take you seriously, Carson, if you were a woman and had absolutely any say about what happens inside our uterus. Also we might take you seriously if every week you didn’t spew crazy such as these Carson classics:

“You know Obamacare is really I think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. And it is in a way, it is slavery in a way.”

Imagine time travelling to the Antebellum South and having to tell slaves the future is worse than what they’re going through because we have the possibility to sign up for affordable healthcare.

“A lot of people who go into prison straight, when they come out they’re gay.”

Seriously… who gave you a license to operate on people’s brains? Lorne Michaels has to be behind this because no one this absurd is a real person outside SNL.

Tune in next week for Carson Crazy when hopefully he’ll be out of the race and will just be yelling obscene thoughts into the sky like all the other crazy people in the streets do.

 

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