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News Update: The Republican Tea Party Is Led By The Mad Hatter

By October 4, 2015 1
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Degree180 launched a full-scale investigation into the bat-shit-crazy antics of the Republican Tea Party and the results are not-so-shocking to say the least:

Yes, we can officially confirm that our beloved Republican Tea Party is being led by the Mad Hatter and us millennials have been thrust into their wonderland. 

The good news is, they will eventually die off (peacefully in their sleep, we hope), and then we can get right on with the OBVIOUS social change that needs to happen, IMMEDIATELY. 

So what are the three things we can expect to happen when that last tea-party coffin is sealed?

1.THE GAY-TRANSGENDERED-BI-STRAIGHT-ANYTHING-ELSE CONVERSATION WILL BE INSTANTLY OVER, DELETED, DONE.

Because us millennials literally never even gave a shit about this. I actually remember being in 3rd grade and piecing together in my head that one of my guy friends was homosexual. I didn’t give a shit then, I don’t give a shit now, and the fact that he actually had to give a shit until this year about being himself is the most ridiculously pathetic and stupid thing that our government has inflicted upon a group of people for being themselves, since slavery. IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS WHO SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH OR LOVE. NOT YOURS EITHER, TEA-PARTY PEEPS. I ACTUALLY FIND IT CREEPY THAT YOU HAVE CARED SO MUCH AND FOR SO LONG ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE’S SEX LIFE.

2. PEOPLE WILL INSTANTLY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS SHOULD NEVER BE A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION. LIKE, EVER.

Or any other political office-holder for that matter. Frankly, me and my millennial peers did not exactly understand why it was such a big deal that Bill Clinton got a blow job in his office. I don’t care who my doctor, banker, grocery-bagger, or any other person that I may come across in my daily life is having sex with– AS LONG AS THEY DO THEIR FUCKING JOBS. All of that talk about “but his morals” gets you nothing but a mandatory STFU from me. Unless you are Hilary Clinton, it was not and will never be your business, and if a person I worked for ever asked me about my sex life, I’d probably LIE to them too. When he does something ILLEGAL (See definition: contrary to, or forbidden by law), then please, give us a call. In the meantime– let’s talk about REAL issues. Ones that affect the world, not one man’s marriage. I can think of about a thousand we can choose from. 

3. WOMEN’S REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS AND ISSUES WILL NO LONGER BE A TOPIC OF PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

Call me weird but personally, when it comes to my ovaries, I prefer to speak to my gynecologist. I don’t think the LEADERS OF THE FREE WORLD, should have to be an expert on the issue, nor should they ever publicly voice their opinions. Yes, I understand that it was recently confirmed that the republicans are actually stuck in the 1950’s, and the leading scientists of the world are doing everything in their power to correct the time warpbut like, COME ON!! Also, when I consider the hot button topic of abortion, I’d like to do so with, I don’t know– maybe my fucking partner–the one who impregnates me? Maybe even my best friend? My mother? Certainly NOT my god damn president so STOP asking that redundant, inappropriate question during presidential debates. 

 

CLEARLY the Mad Hatter has been aggressively pushing an agenda of genitals over the last few decades, for which, we salute you tea-partiers for fighting the good fight, but really... we are DONE with this, and demanding an end to this ridiculousness, NOW. 

 

Comments

  • i.have.rewt

    Ad-hominem filled article. Complete garbage.