Your Body

How Being Called Fat Changed My Life

By December 5, 2015 0
photo-1417976737285-aea15c203d4a

Growing up, I was often called “fat.” I mean, yeah I was pretty darn chunky (still am and proud) so I’m not even going to deny that. Despite the quick and crazy transitions in my life such as my dad passing away when I was seven years old, and having to move in with different relatives consecutively, seemed to not have affected my appetite (as what they used to say). I became so self-conscious about my weight during my teenage years, but in a way I felt a little better about my body when someone told me that being “thick” was cool too. Actually, not cool, hot. I started looking at other girls who are “thick” and I decided to put myself in that category, but after a while, my insecurities continued to creep up and that notion stopped working for me. I started making myself vomit when I was around 12 years old and finally stopped when I was around 16 or 17 years old.

What made me stop? Having blood come out of my ear as I forced myself to vomit did not me make stop immediately, but when I listened to the voice in my head that told me not to give a $#*! about what people say made me stop. No, really! I had to change my mindset and that was not easy. Even then, for a long time I still would have the urge to vomit as I deliberately argued with myself. I mean, I didn’t just wake up one day and say “I’m gonna stop caring!” It was truly a long and difficult process. But what do I mean by “change my mindset”?

Like I said, I had to stop caring about what people say. As difficult as it may sound and actually be to do, I had to try. I realized that people will always call you out for something, whether it be your new hair color not looking good on you, your “bad” tan, that haircut doesn’t suit the shape of your face, you’re fat, you’re too skinny, you’re muscular, you look like a man, the list goes on and it will never stop! With that, I learned that we can’t control what people will tell us but we can control how we to react to it.

The next step was learning to enjoy eating (silly huh?). Who can say that they hate eating (I guess other than kids)? We all love to eat but our insecurities make us hate it. Eating my favorite dishes helped me reduce the urge to vomit. Since I enjoyed eating those foods, I was able to slowly get rid of negative thoughts that were usually accompanied with eating. I now eat whatever I want but I set limitations since I don’t work out regularly.

Even though I don’t work out regularly, I try to be active and make better choices. I never worked out excessively or not even regularly (which is not good) but I join fun and active events such as Warrior Dash, City Challenge, and also participate in cancer walks here and there. Taking the stairs rather than the elevator is a better choice! Anything that could keep my heart rate up is good, right?

More and more, I learned to love and accept myself. I realized how much easier it was to love and accept myself when I stopped over internalizing and trying to fix what I thought was wrong with my body. I became happier when I started loving and accepting myself for who I am and how much I weigh. I saw a video of Christine Hassler, a life coach and a speaker, a few months ago, where she says “Self-acceptance is at the heart of feeling confident. The best way to ‘work on’ feeling more confident is to be certain of your gifts and truth by fully accepting yourself”. I mean, need I say more?

Please don’t get me wrong, I still have days when I don’t feel pretty enough or “sexy” enough but when those thoughts start to infiltrate my mind, I remind myself of who I used to be. I think about my journey and what lead me to love my 155-lbs self. I’m not proud of what I used to be, but I’m proud of what I’ve become. I was miserable inside and I don’t ever want to be that person again or hope for anyone to ever feel that way.

Being “fat”changed my life when I stopped allowing people’s opinion get the best of me. I began to embrace my genes and accept that I’m going to be “chunky” or “fat” because I’m okay with it; this is who I am. If I decide to try to lose weight, it’s because I want to and not because people are telling me I need to lose weight.

If you’re on the same road I was on, I want you to know that you are beautiful regardless of your weight as long as you’re comfortable, healthy, and most importantly HAPPY. Don’t let other people define who you are.

 

To see Christine Hassler’s video, click here.

Comments