Your Body

Hey, Ladies: We Deserve Orgasms Too.

By December 31, 2015 2

The other night, I met a girl in her mid-20’s who had never had an orgasm.

“Oh, so you’re a virgin?” I asked her.

… Nope. She’s been sexually active for years.

“But you’ve tried on your own, right? Like, you just mean you’ve never had an orgasm with someone else, right?” Because that would just be crazy.

… Nope. Masturbating “grosses her out.”

“But doesn’t that make you INSANE? Like, aren’t you SO curious about what it’s like?!”

… Nope. She’s pretty much accepted that it’s never going to happen.

At that point I offered to buy her a vibrator, a subscription to OMGYes and a well-endowed male prostitute, because no woman in 2015 deserves to live that way.

Her story personally offended me. She has had countless of sexual experiences, with a number of different guys, and not one of them was selfless enough to make sure she came, too. She told me she’s always been more worried about the guy finishing than she’s ever been about herself, and has never really been able to get out of her own head for long enough to get over the edge.

She admitted that some guys had tried — she could see the relief on my face when she told me she had at least let guys go down on her — but she always told them to stop after a while because she “felt bad that it was taking so long.”

This, ladies, is what’s wrong with the way we think about sex. As women, we somehow think it’s our job to fuck a guy until he finishes, and once that happens it’s all over. We keep our mouths shut about what we want in an effort to give him what he wants, which ultimately leaves us laying irritated on a bed feeling raw and unfulfilled while he gets up to throw away the condom.

“Yeah babe, that was great for me too!”

No it fucking wasn’t. Stop lying.

In a survey conducted by Cosmopolitan, 70% of women say they “rarely or never” orgasm during sex. That, in comparison with 75% of men who say they finish Every. Single. Time.

I’m sorry, but what the fuck?

Think, for a second, how you would respond if a 23-year-old man told you he’d never had an orgasm, but had been having sex for years. 

You’d be shocked, right?

Because why would a 23-year-old guy continue to have sex if he could never come? You would expect him to go to a doctor, get a pill (Viagra) and figure it the fuck out.

Shouldn’t things be the same for women?

Sex — whether it’s a heated one night stand or a meaningful romp with someone you love— is supposed to be mutual. It’s not meant to be about “us” (women) pleasing “them” (men). This isn’t 1855 when the sole purpose of sex was to make a million little babies to milk the cows and tend to the farms. It’s supposed to be fun and enjoyable for everybody involved.

This, by the way, is not me passing judgment, because sadly I’m not above the whole him-before-me thing, either. There are plenty of times when I personally can’t get there, and yes – I’ve been guilty of faking it, more times than I’d like to admit (sorry, ex-boyfriends, but I did always want to be an actress). But what good does that do anybody? I end up super-annoyed, and whatever guy I’m with is just as shitty a hookup as he was when we started, but still thinks he’s great. And so the cycle continues.

The bottom line is, we (myself included) DESERVE orgasms just as much as the next guy. I’m going to make t-shirts and start picketing outside of sports bars. Who’s with me?