Your Body

@HeteroSexualMales: What’s Your Obsession With Anal Sex?

By January 3, 2016 7

I guess I should start off by saying that I’m not a backdoor banger. (<– that’s porn-world slang for a “person that participates in anal sex”).

I’ve actually only recently discovered how apparently naive I’ve been about it though, because although it was once classified as “taboo”, it is now really quite common amongst groups of homosexual and heterosexual couples alike.

But just when did this become a thing?

By a thing, I mean something that is totally cool to ask for in bed, even if it’s the first time you’ve slept with the person– which was the circumstance I found myself in about a month ago.

What shocked me more than his question, was his response when I said I’d never done it, and wasn’t interested in it.

“Oh. Well let’s just try it and see if you like it” he offered, as if we were talking about skiing down a bunny slope.

Um…No, thank you?

I wasn’t exactly offended. I believe in sexual freedom, and as long as there are two consenting individuals—who am I to place judgement if Bob and Sue want to dress up like pencils, and staple each other’s private parts? More power to them, am I right?

And as I’ve spoken with so many girlfriends over the years about anal sex, (yeah, we don’t sit around discussing nail polish colors anymore, fellas), I’m coming to the conclusion that it is just as common as regular sex, and in some circumstances, preferred. Yup. I’ve got two friends that actually prefer it to vaginal sex, so yes, this really is a thing. 

The part that I don’t understand though, and that I’m dedicating this post to the millions of heterosexual males to try and help me get to the bottom of is this;

What’s the point? If it feels better in the front, plus there’s the added benefit of having the natural lubrication versus whatever messy jellies and lubes are required to effectively slip it into the back– what then, is the actual point?

I’m thinking it has everything to do with dominance.

A friend of mine once said to me that “Having sex with a man is actually the manliest thing a man can do”, because it’s total and complete dominance. Though this declaration initially startled me, after considering it thoroughly, I’ve realized she is 100 percent right. In the Roman times, when a male wanted to assert dominance over another male, he would rape him– in the ass—as it was considered the ultimate form of submission.

I don’t think much has changed.

What I think anal sex represents for heterosexual men is complete and total submission from their women partners, which, in a sexually fluid world, would be just a notch below male on male sex. The arousal element stems from antiquated senses of “conquer” and “defeat”.

Wow. It’s starting to look like it may be time to demand a recount, gay community. Because if you ask me, it’s more than a bit ironic that homophobic individuals use slurs like “homo” and “faggot”, to admonish the very same sex acts that they emulate behind closed doors.


  • Jan Scott

    Boredom. Face it, after the thousandth time sex is pretty monotonous and dull. Men are up for all kinds of kink but anal requires no acting talent.

  • Ross

    Sounds like a pretty bizarre theory. I would imagine that it all comes down at the end of the day to preference. I do not see the dominance thing at all unless you believe that sexual relationships require one necessarily as the dominant and one as the submissive and I do not think that holds true to everyone.

    In fact just humouring your suggestion and following that through to its obvious conclusion. IF this means that the female partner is needing to be more trusting and relaxed then what exactly does that require of the male partner? To be more gentle? To be trustworthy? To be more considerate?

    Come on think things through a little better before you leap to “Okay if it is men and sexual then they must be either gay or trying to dominate women”.

    Its pretty poor that you leaped so easily to this as an explanation.

  • superwolfkin

    As a straight dude, it’s not something I get either. Not all of us are into it. Tried it once when the ex and I were in a season of watching a lot of porn. She was excited to try it out and long story short. We failed. Never tried again never felt like I missed out on anything. :shrug:

  • MovieBuff

    This is as silly as asking what’s the point of a blow job. Just because anal sex is often associated with homosexuality, doesn’t mean the men who like to do this sacred act with women are secretly gay.
    While I have heard the dominance thing many many times, and this may be the case in a percentage of men, it’s not entirely true. Often, anal just feels better. Often, the doggie position (the most common for anal) looks better, and with the backdoor penetration it may enhance the experience. Often, a man’s libido is focused on a woman’s backside (I’m sure you’ve heard of “boob men” and “ass men”), and so anal is obviously an eager thing. Some men have bottom and anal fetishes, making that act to be one of the greatest things ever!
    You ask why it’s a thing? Well the real answer is that more and more women are trying it and, more importantly, more and more women are ENJOYING it! I also know women who prefer anal. I also know women who, while not preferring it, are perfectly happy with having all their penis penetration going up the back door, with fingers and tongues taking care of the front. It’s a thing because both genders like it. The same thing happened with oral sex 30-40 years ago.
    Try it, you just might like it!

  • sentpsyawareness

    Author you are showing your ass in trying to declare all men that like X as liking it for Y reason.

    Different people like things for different reasons and I have had partners tell me they like it for it’s naughtiness in some cases but because it genuinely felt more overwhelming and stimulating for others.

    You have a superiority complex that is biased and almost unbearable in your writing.

    The world isn’t black and white, and if you think everyone does anything for the same reason then you are falling into a tunnelvision world of absolutes.

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  • Ronell Owens

    I’m just gonna speak up for most heterosexual men here. Some men like anal sex because it’s tighter and something different. That’s it. I can use your analogy for blow jobs. Men love blowjobs and both men and women can do them but heterosexual males prefer that a woman performs it on them than a man lol. It’s the same thing with anal sex. If a man has to do something outside of just being to feel dominant or like a real man he probably has other issues that he needs to address.