Your soul

I Have No Idea Who The F**k I am. And That’s OK With Me.

By October 4, 2015 0

Have you ever seen the paint on your wall chip away? What used to be the solid shade of dark blue, hot pink, or light purple is now only a memory. The dullness of the colors begins to peer out from what used to be. The cracks and strips of the wall slowly deteriorate, hanging on by a string. As you peel those extra pieces carefully from the wall, behind you see the original color.

Many don’t realize the walls we put up to impress instead of displaying the person we are. We all have identity issues at one point or another.  I started to question what my purpose in life was; where I will be once I’m done with school, what I can do to help my society. I wanted to find the truth about me. I’ve looked in the mirror a billion times, but never had I once thought about who I am.

I still feel like I’m wandering into space. But, it’s okay, this kind of self-conflict happens to everyone.

What I’ve come to learn is that even an 80-year-old can still question who they are. Now you’re thinking, so how can a person find their true selves? There is no straight answer. As a person you can only put so much out there and receive it back. We find out who we are through the experiences we have and the people we meet.

Throughout life you always have a label and you are stuck with that label forever. So you think. I was always, “That Asian. Short stack. Funny girl.” It was annoying. I wanted to be Lesley. But I never said anything. I never made myself do anything to have the people see me as an individual. But now thinking back on it, I shouldn’t have done it for them. I needed to do it for myself.

I believe nobody knows themselves 100%, yet they have a pretty good idea. But if you don’t, you have to go out there and actually do things. Start doing things that you used to, but more importantly start doing things you never thought you would. That’s the beauty of life. Make memories worthwhile because one day it might lead you to greater things.

Our actions define our futures. We must live every day full of life and try not to think too much about the little things. There will be more opportunities to be daring and invincible. But again, who is to say there won’t? We can only rely on ourselves to become what we desire.