Your Body

180 Debates: Is It Wrong For A Transgendered Person Not To Reveal Themselves To A Person They Hook Up With?

By December 30, 2015 0

You opened this article with a well-strapped opinion that you are ready to defend vehemently in the comments section. You’re maybe thinking, “Of course it’s fucking wrong” and clicked this headline, to ensure a validation.

Or perhaps you yourself are transgendered, (just know about somebody who is?)— and so are conversely thinking “It is not wrong. It is complicated”.

I barely watch tv. I allow myself the obligatory Homeland on Sundays, but skip the rest of the meaningless cult programming that has come to define this generation’s spectrum of entertainment. There isn’t anything thought-provoking out there anymore. It’s all garbage, repurposed by a handful of idiots at that the top, who think they are geniuses for playing upon societal idiosyncrasies.

Switching on my television yesterday was a muscle-memory movement. I was actually working on my computer and wanted a little background white noise.

And I can think of nothing more noisy than everything that television has become in this last decade.

I landed on VH1, (again, a buried reflex more than a conscious decision) and on a show entitled “Couple’s Therapy”. This less than inconspicuous title needs no plot line investigation: celebrity couples + therapy= ratings. (Nice one, execs).

At some point the rapper? Former rapper? (no shade, just unsure), Joe Budden was in the throws of a conversation with his transgendered housemate, Carmen Carrera. Carmen is by my standards beautiful, and I was genuinely shocked to learn that she was born a male. While there are some telltale signs in other transgendered people (a deeper voice, a broader chest), there is absolutely no way that if i stumbled across this woman in a dark club— or even in an entirely lit up, daytime coffee shop, that I would have any suspicion whatsoever that she was born a male.

Joe had asked her a simple question. He asked her whether or not, before her sex change operation, she would let other males that she was involved with know that she was in fact, born a male.

Carmen grew silent. It was an obvious indication that no, she did not let men know this, and from what both Joe Budden (the rapper?) and I induced, it was clear that she had slept with males, who unbeknownst to them, were sleeping with another man.

Joe thought this was very wrong. He was kind (the two were speaking cordially, as friends), but he was clear that he thought this was not only wrong, but dangerous.

Carmen then responded confidently, saying that she felt from the day she was born that she was a women, and that she therefore was not being deceptive when she slept with males. She was being herself, the woman that she has always been in her heart and mind. She made some reference to it being the same as a man not knowing a girl was asian, hating asians, and finding out later that she was.

Part of the purpose of Degree180 is for us to consider these topics and reimagine them where everybody is right and I think this is a perfect opportunity to try that on now.

I personally agree with Joe Budden. I think that no matter how you feel on the inside, you should let people know on the outside, because your failure to do so can affect them— on their inside. That is to say that if somebody felt they were a straight male, and found out that they slept with a man, this would likely disturb them mentally. When Carmen didn’t tell someone that she had a penis and hooked up with them anyways, she was ultimately making a decision for the other person as well, which isn’t fair at all. It’s wrong.

With that said, I want formally state my belief that gender really is an idea that society made up. If I felt in my soul and in my heart that I was a man, It would be hard for me to understand why I had to explain that to someone else who was already into me anyways. I imagine it must be extremely hard and difficult to explain to everyone everyday and throughout your life that you are you, and for that, I sympathize with Carmen. I sympathize deeply, but do not agree.

What Joe Budden said about it being dangerous is also correct. Although we are making strides, we do still live in a hate-filled world, and breaching upon someone’s psychological peace— (having a man walk away and discover that he committed a sexually homosexual act) is, in fact dangerous. Vigilante justice is a real component of this society, and what’s worse, is that wrong or right,  that vigilante would have a ton of supporters , and a lawyer entering in a plea of temporary insanity.

Because ultimately, what Carmen proves in her assertion that “[she] is a woman”, is the same type of identity claim as “I am a straight male”. To make someone step outside the comfort of their identity, without a conscious decision being made, is an infringement on their psychological health.

And guess what?– Carmen found real love eventually anyway.  She is married to a man today, all the same, which proves that she never needed to withhold anything on her quest for love. Because love is love. And real love will always transcend circumstances.

As is the case in every relationship, regardless of sexual orientation or gender, honesty is the best policy. That is a very tried but always true statement. And it’s not just about the transgendered community, this extends into every pocket of our eclectic society. People should let people know that they are HIV positive, even if they use a condom and it’s undetectable within their system. I should let a person I’m dating know that I’m not Jewish, if they reveal to me that they only seek to date and marry Jewish women.

The point is that we should allow people to make informed decisions for their own psyche, even if we think their mentality is limited or wrong; because the mentality is theirs, and it would be wrong for us to try to affect it by means of deceit.

And now let’s end this highlighting the beauty of that scene, from that awful show, upon that even more awful station: the beauty existed in the fact that there was not any judgment being passed, whatsoever. It was an honest conversation, and an opinion being shared between two people who clearly had a certain level of respect for one another. It is an example, on a very small scale of what the world needs a little more of today:

Respect. Compassion. Conversation. The realization that harshly critiquing someone and/or calling them names will do nothing to get your point across, nor will it force them to affect change.

I think Joe Budden got his point across the right way.

What do you guys think?