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Admit It: The World Would Be Better off Without Twitter

By March 30, 2016 0

Speaking of Twitter, have you signed up for SocialAutopsy yet? All the cool kids are doing it. 

Try to think back long, long ago. Think back to a time when the only tweeting we knew of was the sound produced primarily by male birds trying to attract a frisky she-bird.

Those were the good days.

Let me just come out and proclaim it: It is time for Twitter to go the way of the dodo bird.

It is clear to me that the theoretical benefits which Twitter provides to the human race have clearly been overshadowed by the saturation of misinformation and manufactured consternation which clogs its infinite web of timelines.

My most pressing gripes with Twitter can be said of other social platforms: anything that provides a platform for middle schoolers and/or morons to espouse their beliefs and opinions to the world is not a positive thing.

But, for some reason Twitter seems to attract more idiots than per user than Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media service.

Perhaps it is the forced brevity that Twitter calls for; 140 ‘characters’ does not exactly innvervate deep, insightful commentary. Unsurprisingly, most Twitter users have no issue with this character limit. Thinking is hard, typing is even harder.

Maybe it is the mile-a-minute updating of trending topics that attracts the hoards of mindless, narrative-regurgitating Twitter philosophers.

Regardless of the causation, Twitter has become the bastion of uninformed, mob-style narrative pushing in America and worldwide, serving as the platform of choice for (cough) well-respected (cough) groups who employ these tactics, from Occupy Wall Street to Black Lives Matter.

I have heard that Twitter is useful to all because of its up-to-the-minute breaking news on events such as the Paris Terror attacks or other occurrences where traditional news sources typically lack immediacy or depth in their reporting.

This is true, but with some caveats.

The immediacy that many argue as Twitter’s most beneficial aspect also means those who wish to garner a Twitter footprint are often too willing to risk accuracy for immediacy. While this is the case at many news sources in the internet age, Twitter’s complete lack of journalistic guidelines or user screening means it is ripe for the dissemination of misinformation.

A reported 64% of Twitter users saw something on their timeline that they later found to be untrue.

Doubt you would see a figure that astoundingly high for a New York Times or Wall Street Journal online publication.

Which leads me to one of my many conclusions about Twitter: it’s not a legit news source.

Sure, it breaks plenty of stories from legitimate news sources, often more rapidly than competing news outlets. But are you willing to take the odds that what you read will be accurate? Should you even have to ponder this question of accuracy when it comes to where you get your news?

Of course not.

It is difficult enough to trace the agendas and biases that exist within a given ‘news’ article from sources with credibility built on decades of journalistic standards. And to think some would entrust Twitter, a collective hodgepodge of unverified, quick-fingered self-appointed journalists with their view of the world.


But misinformation is not the only reason Twitter chaps my ass.

The amount of stupid in the Twittersphere is absolutely astonishing. And I wish I were exaggerating. No hyperbole within the English language would do justice to the sea of idiocy that is Twitter.

The examples are truly mind-bottling:

Screenshot 2016-03-26 13.15.34

I’m not exaggerating when I say that most Twitter posts make me want to run head-first into a bob wire fence:

Screenshot 2016-03-26 13.17.51

But, I’ve got to learn once and for all that I can’t control Twitter. I midas whale just take the advice of many a twitter user and #IgnoreTheHaters:

Screenshot 2016-03-26 13.20.20

Yes, these are real-life examples. No, there is not a trace of irony, sarcasm, or humor intended. No puns to be found.

People, this is what we are dealing with when it comes to the majority of Twitter users.

The ones you see popping up on ESPN, CNN, or other telecasts that want to get “Twitter’s input” on the hot topics.

I am here to say that America would be far better off without Twitter’s input, on any topic.

Unless a national debate arises regarding how to most humorously butcher the English language, Twitter has little to contribute.

Imagine this: a world without internet lynch mobs and snotty teens protesting chalk on college campuses. An earth free of social media smear campaigns and middle schoolers who think their opinion is worth more than the pile of steaming shit that it is.

In other words, a world without Twitter.

I will never take a Twitter-less world for granite again, that is one thing I am sure of:

Screenshot 2016-03-26 13.28.00

Twitter, you’re drunk, it’s time to go home…..