Your Heart

So This Is What A Break Up Feels Like

By April 6, 2016 0

At some point in our lives we begin to realize who we once were in consideration of who we are trying to become. For me, this happens whenever I find myself talking about past relationships.

And I’m not sure why I do it because I know there’s that secret belief that we should never bring up exes, but I can’t seem to help myself. Maybe it’s because each time I dig into the past, I discover more of who I truly am.

There is of course the early understanding of why we broke up, which is usually followed by where we both went wrong (and let’s face it, it takes two). But then that stroll through my memories typically leads me to a shocking realization that I was not the person I thought I was.

In fact there were multiple times throughout my past relationship that I was nothing but a bitch. I took a lot for granted and looking back on it, I am aware of the pain that I caused. I am now grateful for those times in my life, because I learned a lot from them; I learned that despite endings, we can never be anything but thankful to our exes.

If I were speaking to mine today, here are few reasons I’d tell him I was grateful:

1) For Teaching Me That Life Goes On (old and corny, but true)

Yeah, the break up was pretty bad (just recalling it makes my stomach sink). I remember all of the vent sessions I burdened my best friends with, crying and worrying constantly that my life wouldn’t be as meaningful without you, but the hurricane didn’t last forever.

And in case you thought I was fine afterwards, you should know I wasn’t at all. But as time went on I was able to continue my daily activities without the expectation of your name on my phone or  your presence at my front door. I began to feel whole again. I went out with my friends more, opened up to my mom more, and grew closer to my brother. Our relationship may have been over, but it never meant my life had to be as well. Since then I’ve been trying to find ways to add more meaning to my life and I make it a point to constantly remind myself that every bad day promises a better tomorrow.

2) For Respecting Our Break Up

We’ve all heard of some pretty bad break up horror stories. There’s always the stalkers, shit talkers, life ruiners, shall I go on? Ending on bad terms is one thing, but leaving a dead dog in the house is another. Thank you for respecting our break up and letting me rebuild my life and myself, freely, void of any unnecessary drama.

3)  For Showing Me That There’s No Time Like The Present

I don’t think I can count the number of times I stressed over what would happen to us in the future because Hi, I’m Ally and I’m an over thinker. I’m 99.9% positive I will take this bad habit of mine to the grave with me. However, all the time I spent angry with you because you couldn’t understand my racing mind has taught me one thing in retrospect; to realize the moment, which is what you were doing all along.

The takeaway? If you can’t enjoy your relationship presently because you’re too worried about your future you’ve got it all backwards. Cherish your significant other as much as you can. You’re together for the obvious reason that you both care about one other. Don’t waste a moment drawing up thoughts and scenarios that will most likely never happen.

4.) For Keeping My Secrets  (Because I still keep all of yours)

It’s been about two years now, and I wonder you’ve told your family or friends about the time I—

The truth is that a lot of time has passed, and you may feel as though those secrets I trusted you with are insignificant today. But I still thank you for keeping them all back then. Because what matters most to me is that while we were together you made it your mission to protect them all.


5) For Changing My Outlook On Music

I don’t believe I’ll ever come across someone as musically gifted as you. I could have listened to you play guitar for forever and a day. Because of you I have opened the doors on so many different genres and styles in my life. Music really does soothe the soul. It’s true that whatever mood you’re in, whether it’s sad or overjoyed, you’ll always think the singer is defining your life. The songs we used to listen to together will always draw nostalgia, but as time goes on, perhaps those same lyrics will begin to define new chapters of my life.


6) For Those Incredible Parents

I have to thank the two people who brought you into this world. Whether it was forced generosity because we were dating or genuine feelings, your parents were welcoming of me. I found myself able to talk to them about anything and everything and they were always listening.  I could have sat in your kitchen and talked to your mother for hours over tea.

7) Showing Me That There Is Such A Thing As Too Late

Hearing “I love you” from the one you love will send those butterflies off in your stomach, but hearing it constantly without any physical reassurance will send those butterflies crashing and burning. No one should ever fool themselves into thinking that words and words alone will fix a poor situation. If we find ourselves repeating what we expect out of our partners/repeating how upset we are because they keep doing whatever it is that they’re doing/repeating that if nothing gets solved we are going to leave, then we should leave. Because although our partners might assure us that they won’t do it again, or that everything from that point on will be okay, repeated promises mean nothing.

When I  became serious about what had to be changed, nothing else mattered to me at that point. It was too late to fix everything that had been broken.

8) Inspiring Me To Never Settle

I can confidently and without hesitation say that this is the most important lesson you taught me.  I don’t know where it all went wrong or even when exactly, but I do know my heart and my mind were not in agreement anymore. Settling in misery is a heart-wrenching feeling. My mind was with you, but my heart was in the wrong place. My mind could not bear to think of where it would be without you or how different life would become. My heart could not bear the pain of staying. It’s important to me that you understand that I did not use you during those last conflicting months because the truth is, I was confused. Finding comfort in misery is mental torment. It’s having all you think you’re supposed to have, and quietly yearning for something more. It’s knowing that “happier” exists.

I will always be thankful for the impact my ex-boyfriend had on my life and I will take with me everything I learned from our time spent together; both the good and the bad, no matter where I go.

And I’ll settle upon the old cliche; happiness is a choice, and the choice is always ours.