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Daddy Issues: My Dad Is Dating Someone My Age

By January 26, 2016 1
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Daddy issues.

I don’t have them, but I’m sitting here wondering if the 28-year-old who’s currently dating my 55-year-old father does.

I’ve always been the ultimate daddy’s girl. I tell my dad everything and am closer to him than anyone else in my family. I think he’s the greatest guy in the world, but I can’t seem to figure out what some bleach blonde, divorceé who’s half his age could possibly want with him. The two of them met at the local bar where she bar-tends and he’s recently been spending a lot of time. In truth, he’ll always be a handsome man, but he has three kids, a vasectomy, and has put on some extra pounds as the years have gone on.

My parents have been separated for almost two years, but have been dancing in limbo with no sign of a final outcome. My dad is the breadwinner, and my mom, who’s a teacher at the local private elementary school, has always been financially dependent on him. These days, she feels lost. My dad has been avoiding her and trying to stay in this limbo until, if I had to guess, my youngest brother graduates college.

My mom knows the blonde bimbo not as my dad’s girlfriend, but as my little brother’s high school teacher who happened to be the old cheerleading coach.

When my brothers and I found out through the grapevine that my father was seeing this woman, we all confronted him separately. It’s safe to say we’re all #TeamMom on this one, but unlike my brothers it’s nearly impossible for me to be upset with my dad. After all, he’s my best friend.

When it was my turn to confront him about the situation, he beat around the bush and insisted that it “wasn’t serious” with the bartender. I’m realistic about the fact that what my parents had is over, so I took his word and politely asked him to please be discrete about his relationship. If he was going to date this woman, I requested that he do it outside of our hometown so that my mom wouldn’t have to find out through the rumor mill. Until there was something real to tell her, I didn’t want to hurt my sweet, innocent and vulnerable mother unless I had to. (would it be possible to discuss a bit more how you feel about this here?)

After our conversation, I put the whole thing at the back of my mind and went on with my life. That is, until I saw my dad and the 28-year-old out alone together at a popular bar in our town.

I was furious: I hadn’t asked my dad to stop seeing her, I didn’t yell or throw a tantrum – I was respectful and reasonable. ALL I HAD ASKED was that he be discreet and stay out of our hometown. He couldn’t even do that for me.

I wanted to confront them and punch her and cuss him out but I didn’t. I walked out and got into my car and went home. I couldn’t believe it; I was numb.

I am so mad for so many reasons: This woman was TWO YEARS OLD when I was born. My dad won’t give my mom the answers she is so desperate for. And he couldn’t do the one thing I asked him to do.

A man who I once thought of as strong and invincible seems so small to me right now.

I know, I know — Parents are people too. But as we hit a certain age, it’s as if roles reverse. We all want the people we love to be happy but at what cost? Is it okay that my dad is dating someone my age? In my opinion, no. But who knows. (I think this paragraph is the most important one in the piece, because it shows that even though you’re so angry you are trying to understand and make sense of the situation, and it shows so much maturity that you’re trying to see both sides. Can you expand on it a little bit? Is there anything else you’re feeling that you might be willing to share here? I think this is so beautiful and would love to see more.)

All I can say for sure is that from now on, I’ll be avoiding the bar where I saw them that night because next time, I may not be able to be as strong.

 

Comments

  • Jessica Erin

    You began this post by stating you don’t have daddy issues, but what I just read screams of them. Why are you so concerned with his choice of partner? I understand the desire to see Mom and Dad together and happy- but if they aren’t, they aren’t. Wishing they would be won’t make it so. Demanding that your father and his love interest drive to other towns for their dates is unhealthy and just makes you seem unreasonable. Surely you would not want him to place such restrictions on your love life. Whether this is a fling he’s having or the start of something long-term, you will only hurt yourself and your father by trying to manipulate him. I don’t know if your mom is encouraging you to get in the middle of this or if you are inserting yourself there, but either way it isn’t your place to fight Mom’s battles or police Dad’s choices. They are adults and it is not up to you to figure their lives out for them. If you really want a happy relationship with both your parents, you need to take a step back. Take a deep breath and tell yourself it’s not your responsibility to worry about their personal choices. Finally, I really hope you are strong enough to look deep inside your own heart and work on it- let Dad and Mom worry about theirs.